Self-concept
Self-concept is a person’s identity or set of beliefs about oneself. This may
come as a shock to many people, but a child’s self-concept is formed from a
very young age and, as is true for everything else, at this age parents and
guardians make the biggest difference in developing a positive self-concept.
Toddlers from the
age of 3 – 6 years, go through what psychologist Erik Erikson labelled
“initiative vs. guilt” stage.
What does taking an initiative mean?
Initiative means
taking action, or an introductory step or act; the leading act. Toddlers begin
to explore their concepts about self by trying to make their own decisions. Another
part of this stage is autonomy or independence, which toddlers start experimenting
with at this stage. For instance, children may try to dress themselves and
develop their own sense of style. They try to assert themselves through their
interactions with others or during play.
Why do children feel guilty?
The worst thing a
parent can do is discourage or yell at them, this would create a sense of guilt
and feeling of inadequacy that may last their entire life time! As parents you are the most important people
in their life; if they think that you don’t trust them or that they are not
capable, it may cause them to think that what they want or what they do is
always wrong. Children start asking a lot of questions at this age but if
parents treat these as trivial or stupid, children start feeling like a
nuisance; they may start feeling ashamed of themselves and become overly
dependent on others. So basically too much guilt will prevent a child from
taking any initiative.
Dangers of Impulsiveness
But on the other
hand if too much freedom is given, children become out of control and may do
things that are dangerous at their age, like running into the middle of the
road. And so, a little guilt becomes essential. Children at this age are very
impulsive; they won’t think about what will happen later, so as parents you
aren’t wrong in trying to stop them from making mistakes either! Parents need
to find a balance between initiative and guilt. This can be done by talking
about the consequences of actions, setting firm limits and punishments.
Encouraging children to realise the connection between actions and consequences
is extremely important to induce the right type of guilt. In this way the child
will have enough guilt to avoid impulsiveness, but not so much that he never
takes initiative.
So what should you, as parents do?
As parents learn to
be a guide and facilitator, answer their questions, firmly set rules and
encourage them to learn new activities, always let their imagination run free.
Another handy tip is to ask your toddler questions like, what he would like to
eat? Where would he like to go today? What would he like to wear? Give him some
control over his environment and force him to think about his choices, it will
make him realise that his opinion is important and also induce in him a feeling
of responsibility.
Of course, at this point, the first thing that
would come to a toddlers mind when asked what to he would like to eat is
chocolate! So try giving less open ended questions? Would you like to eat beans
or spinach? This way you can slyly trick
your child into eating healthy, and he’ll be forced to finish it because he
will feel like it was his choice!
The following amateur
video shows, in an interesting way, how to give a child the freedom of taking
the initiative but without inducing too much guilt.
No comments:
Post a Comment