Ten simple ways to teach morality to preschoolers

Children’s view of the world, especially that of toddlers is very different from that of adults. Toddlers or preschool children often have an egocentric view of the world, but don’t worry! This will reduce as they learn to take in different perspectives of a situation. Till then they assume that everyone sees things the same way that they do (if you play hide and seek with a young child you will notice how he hides in plain view by simply covering his own eyes, he assumes that if he cannot see anyone then, obviously no one can see him either!) and that as long they are doing something that protects the self-interest, they are doing the right thing. Understandably, the road to morality, a sense of justice and fair play is a slow and difficult one.

Piaget a leading child psychologist to emphasised how children’s morality grows with the increase in cognition, or mental reasoning, thinking and memory. The morality of preschool children was also described by Kohlberg. According to both, preschool children’s sense of fair play is based on –

Based on their perspectives, needs and whims. – For e.g. they may not like other children for not sharing, but may themselves not be able to share their own toy and give the explanation “I need it”. For them anything they believe is in their self-interest is their right, but cannot extend the same understanding to other children! On the basis of all this you should learn to understand that children do not mean to be selfish or self-centred, they just haven’t learnt any better.

Absolutes – Things will always be considered either good or bad without thinking of the consequences.

 Whether or not an action will evoke punishment – They believe that anything that results in punishment is wrong regardless of the reason that something was done and that anything that elicits a reward is correct.

In addition, they have an incomplete understanding of cause and effect. They believe that a bad (naughty) deed cannot go unpunished even if they are not caught. For e.g. Children often take the blame for things like divorce of their parents. “My parents are separating because I was a naughty child.”

Rules – Rules are always considered constants and breaking them is always wrong, even if they are just rules of a game.

Authority – They believe something said by a person in an authoritative position is always right.That is why it is so easy for someone older than them to convince them to do things.

     They do eventually start taking others perspectives into consideration. Still emphasis tends to remain on being a good boy or girl. Their helpful nature persists as long as they don’t hurt their self-interest. Children have the potential to be emphatic from a young age, the understanding of what other people feel, babies under the age of one cry when they hear others cry, and as they start to understand empathy, along with other positive emotions like sympathy, moral behaviour too grows.

Here are ten ways to help increase morality in children -

1. Model good behaviour – by good I mean moral, just, show them how you are helpful towards others. But also explain the act and how it made you feel good about yourself.
2. Use reasoning – when they do something selfish, explain why what they did was wrong. Teach them how they can do better. Make sure they start understanding that people have different perspectives.
3. A sorry should never be commanded, teach them to say sorry only if they mean it.
4. Encourage role playing – they will learn what it is like to be someone else and how different people feel differently.
5. Explain the concept of intentions and motives – make them realise that people are not absolutes; people may do a bad deed but may have reasons that justify the deed. Children may not understand this immediately but as they grow up they will realise that right and wrong are often mixed.
6. Let them come to their own solutions when faced with a dilemma.
7. Read them stories with morals and those that show that morality has its own rewards. It takes time for a child to understand abstract people. Try using real life people whom they know and real life rewards.
8. Always be honest and express how you feel about things.
9. Children do not often realise that the way they act may affect how others feel; make them realise there is a connection.
10. Always praise their good behaviour.

Sibling Rivalry – A Parent’s Role

A frequent cause for worry amongst parents raising children is the competitive behavior and attitude displayed between siblings, commonly known as sibling rivalry. Fights for attention, recognition and special treatment are a regular occurrence when raising young children, right from the time they’re born, and sometimes even before. What makes this even more baffling for parents is the speed at which everything returns to normal, with brothers or sisters going back to their usual friendly relations, only to be soured again at a moment’s notice.

The tribulations and drama of sibling rivalry goes back long way. They form the basis of some of most ancient myths and stories, from the tales of Ganesh and Kartikeya, to Abel and Cain and Mukesh and Anil Ambani.

Yet, for all its presence in our lives since the beginnings of recorded history, it is still a behavior wrought with mystery and complications, making its management no easy task for parents.

Early Beginnings

Right from the age of 1, babies are able to understand and function on the basic dynamics of interpersonal relationships, and bonds with brothers or sisters form in their own distinctive way. By the age of 3, children start acting and behaving in response to the way their siblings are treated, and the beginnings of attention-seeking and jealous behavior take shape.

Comparison is a no-no

Although it comes naturally to a parent to feel that an under achieving or misbehaving child can learn from the ‘successful’ behavior and attitude of a less error prone sibling, it must be understood that the innate sense of competitiveness and rivalry between siblings results in the positive or educative part of the parent’s message getting lost. The child being corrected only sees the situation as one in which he is the ‘loser’ and his brother/sister the ‘winner’. Parents should instead attempt to instill the values of other role model figures, without needing to extol the virtues of a sibling to value of beneficial behaviors, such as kindness, generosity and hard work. Parents should ensure that their behavior around their children always falls in line with what they would expect from them, with no temper tantrums, door slamming and yelling happening.

Individuality

Each child comes with his or her own temperament, attitude and disposition. Avoid stereotyping and labeling, as such measures can only lead to further intensification of unwanted behavior and conflicts.

Respect and honor age differences

Many a times, the privileges and restrictions that come with age cause fights and quarrels amongst growing siblings. In these cases, it is important to remain firm with the rules you have set in place (given their ages) and show fairness and impartiality. Make it clear to younger children that with ages comes certain freedoms and responsibilities and ensure that older children strive to be examples worth looking up to.

Don’t dismiss negative sibling feelings

It’s very common for children to have negative feelings towards their siblings. Instead of dismissing them, acknowledge them! Else they will feel frustrated for not being understood and listened to.

For instance: If an elder sibling feels jealous of the younger one and says “You don’t love me; you are always spending time with the baby”

You say: “That’s wrong of you to think that way; you are a big boy now” – Child will feel dismissed

Instead you should say: “Don’t you like me spending time with your little sis? Come let’s all spend time together” –Feels listened to and wanted

It’s not all warfare

All sibling rivalry isn’t a bad thing. It’s important for a child to be assertive, communicate his ideas and learn the arts of negotiation and compromise. Healthy competition with a strong, familial bond is how most sibling relationships end up, and as parents our role is to lay the right foundation and instill the right values right from an early age so that we can allow their lives to come into bloom in harmony and as one family. 

Initiative Vs Guilt : Developing a positive self-concept in your child

Self-concept

Self-concept is a person’s identity or set of beliefs about oneself. This may come as a shock to many people, but a child’s self-concept is formed from a very young age and, as is true for everything else, at this age parents and guardians make the biggest difference in developing a positive self-concept.

Toddlers from the age of 3 – 6 years, go through what psychologist Erik Erikson labelled “initiative vs. guilt” stage.

What does taking an initiative mean?

Initiative means taking action, or an introductory step or act; the leading act. Toddlers begin to explore their concepts about self by trying to make their own decisions. Another part of this stage is autonomy or independence, which toddlers start experimenting with at this stage. For instance, children may try to dress themselves and develop their own sense of style. They try to assert themselves through their interactions with others or during play.

Why do children feel guilty?

The worst thing a parent can do is discourage or yell at them, this would create a sense of guilt and feeling of inadequacy that may last their entire life time!  As parents you are the most important people in their life; if they think that you don’t trust them or that they are not capable, it may cause them to think that what they want or what they do is always wrong. Children start asking a lot of questions at this age but if parents treat these as trivial or stupid, children start feeling like a nuisance; they may start feeling ashamed of themselves and become overly dependent on others. So basically too much guilt will prevent a child from taking any initiative.

Dangers of Impulsiveness

But on the other hand if too much freedom is given, children become out of control and may do things that are dangerous at their age, like running into the middle of the road. And so, a little guilt becomes essential. Children at this age are very impulsive; they won’t think about what will happen later, so as parents you aren’t wrong in trying to stop them from making mistakes either! Parents need to find a balance between initiative and guilt. This can be done by talking about the consequences of actions, setting firm limits and punishments. Encouraging children to realise the connection between actions and consequences is extremely important to induce the right type of guilt. In this way the child will have enough guilt to avoid impulsiveness, but not so much that he never takes initiative.

So what should you, as parents do?

As parents learn to be a guide and facilitator, answer their questions, firmly set rules and encourage them to learn new activities, always let their imagination run free. Another handy tip is to ask your toddler questions like, what he would like to eat? Where would he like to go today? What would he like to wear? Give him some control over his environment and force him to think about his choices, it will make him realise that his opinion is important and also induce in him a feeling of responsibility.

Of course, at this point, the first thing that would come to a toddlers mind when asked what to he would like to eat is chocolate! So try giving less open ended questions? Would you like to eat beans or spinach?  This way you can slyly trick your child into eating healthy, and he’ll be forced to finish it because he will feel like it was his choice!

The following amateur video shows, in an interesting way, how to give a child the freedom of taking the initiative but without inducing too much guilt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvmwdN3qwX8

Boost creativity, intelligence and cognition with Music

Today, many parents or aspiring parents are familiar with the technique of incorporating music into a toddler’s upbringing. It has become accepted that music can play a vital role in giving the young ones’ brains a creative, intelligent boost. The most common ways this is done are by playing music to the child on a regular basis, or teaching them how to play music on their own, which has its own amazing set of benefits (the hand-eye coordination and the counterbalancing of one hand’s motions with the other when playing an instrument do wonders for a developing mind, whether toddler or teenager).

And then there is music that you didn’t even know was there – like the sing song tone of a mother’s voice, or a softy hummed lullaby.

In fact, talking to a baby in a sing song voice, in baby language (known as infant directed speech), helps the baby to attach the soothing tune and tone to a mother and her love.

Children process music, melody and sound patterns right from the beginning

From birth up till the age of 3, the brain is 2.5 more active than the adult brain. It is constantly learning, with an unquenchable curiosity for all the things their senses and the environment around them are exposing them to. Learning and absorbing of new information is happening every hour of every day, and there is no better time to give your baby’s brain a strong mental, emotional and logical foundation on which it will function for the rest of their precious lives.

How Music does its Magic

Music is the arrangement of structures consisting of sounds and beats following a distinct, layered pattern. If we took even a relatively simple song, broke it down into its separate components and asked you to listen to them individually and form, let alone remember, the tune, it would be a pretty hard task. But put them together (a song), and voila, not only can you remember everything about the melody with ease, but it can even get stuck in your head! This is not because the mind is somehow muting complexity, but because of the order and pattern found in music, it can process the separate components subconsciously and easily form a coherent, recognizable whole. This entire process, especially in young, developing minds, is a brilliant, tested way to vastly improve memory and cognitive skills.

As we talked about earlier, Myelination is programmed to majorly occur during this period, wherein neural connections and key neurological infrastructure are being formed. It is important to feed the brain and the nervous system with stimulation, love and learning experiences during this period so as to help the baby’s brain develop a strong, robust foundation.

  

Let their little worlds rock!

Their minds are at a point where every pleasure, no matter how small, is eventful. A melody that a baby enjoys, stays in her/his mind, and whenever she/he hears it, happiness ensues. Fill your child’s life with such experiences and you’re guaranteed to raise a cheerful, upbeat little firecracker!

What is your Parenting Style?

Suppose your child, let’s call him Sid, goes and pinches his little brother in his sleep when he thinks no one is looking and runs away. Sid is very young, how would you discipline him?

There are many ways to deal with the above situation –

1. You tell Sid to go to his room for the rest of the day and take away his favourite.
2. You, rather mildly, tell him that he did a bad thing and should not repeat it.
3. You sit down and ask your child why he did what he did, tell him why it was a bad idea and should not be repeated in the future, how he may hurt his younger brother and give him a minor punishment like not giving him desert after dinner.
4. You ignore the incident and let the children settle it themselves.

The ways of disciplining a child reflect important parenting styles as put forward by the psychologist “Diana Baumrind”. Each pattern of parenting tends to produce certain patterns of behaviours in their children.

1) “Authoritarian Parenting”. Parents are strict and controlling. They expect unquestioning obedience from their children. Their general rationale is “because I said so”. They are demanding, but they do not value their children’s opinions.
Children of authoritarian parents tend to be socially withdrawn. Girls become dependent on their parents and boys are unusually hostile. They have low self-esteem. They are good followers but because their parents make decisions for them they never learn to be self-reliant or have self-control. They aren’t independent since they are never encouraged to explore on their own. They start associating obedience and success with love.
Restrictions are important for children but so is warmth and love, and this is lacking in this style of parenting.

2) “Permissive Parenting”. This is often known as indulgent parenting. Parents place few restrictions on their children and give inconsistent feedback. They don’t expect self-control from their children so they rarely discipline them. They may be loving and nurturing but they don’t feel like they hold any responsibility over their children’s actions. They act more as friends then parents.
Their children tend to be dependent and moody; they display a lack of self-control and low social skills possibly because they were never taught any, for e.g. they may have good interpersonal skills but they may have never been taught to share.  They are often self-involved and demanding. They may be unruly at school, and have less motivation to do well. They often have problems with authority. Studies suggest that permissive parenting is linked to many forms of misconduct like underage drinking, drug abuse etc.

3)  “Authoritative Parenting”. This is largely considered the most effective style of parenting. The parents tend to be relatively strict and place clear and firm restrictions and demands on their children. They are also loving and warm. They explain why they are giving certain punishments and why they should not act in a certain way. They let their children explain the situation and change their responses accordingly; they are firm but also flexible. They encourage their children’s independence and help develop their reasoning skills. They act as role models so they help their children internalise these skills!
Their children tend to be happy, independent, friendly, assertive and cooperative. They are successful, likable and have a strong motivation to achieve. They learn to control their behaviour, emotions and relationships quite well since they know what to expect and what is expected of them in social situations. They are confident about their abilities to learn new skills.

4)  “Uninvolved Parenting”. They are emotionally detached from their children and feel that their role is simply to provide food, money, shelter etc. they display no interest in their children and in this way communicate rejection. They have no expectations from their children and often show very little warmth, love and affection towards their children. In fact in a more severe form this results in neglect which is a form of child abuse.
This style often develops because parents are too busy with their work or their problems to realise how uninvolved they are as parents and sometimes because their own parents were uninvolved.
Their children have a disrupted emotional development. They feel unloved. Their physical and cognitive development is lowered; they perform badly in almost every area of life. Their lack of social skills may be because they were never taught appropriate behaviours in social situation. They may be afraid of depending on anyone else. They often exhibit delinquent behaviour as adolescents and are at a high risk for substance abuse.

There are of course many exceptions, children of authoritarian or permissive parents may be successful, and of authoritative style may not. It is best to use an adaptable style of parenting, switching into a more dominant style of parenting in certain extreme cases (where the children’s safety in concerned) and sometimes being more permissive as they grow. Parent’s actions are very important in shaping their children’s behaviour and success in life! 

Brain Food for your Child

As we’ve spoken about in our previous posts, the brain of a young child/ toddler is undergoing crucial, rapid development and is going through a sea of changes as it forms and matures, becoming the most complex and fascinating organ of our bodies.

The Importance of Diet

It goes without saying that diet, nutrition and both physical and mental well

being plays a huge part in shaping our young brains. The brain is the body’s most demanding unit, consuming more calories than any other. According to Dr. Vikram Singh, a neurologist at Moolchand Medcity in New Delhi, “It uses up roughly half the calories we consume every day”.

It is essential that the brain gets its regular supply of vital nutrients, minerals and other forms of nourishment to ensure its healthy development.

What to Eat

Omega 3 Fatty Acids

Foods containing Omega 3, such as fish and plant oils, are on the biggest contributors to brain health. Peanut Butter is a great brain food that contains Omega 3 and it’s something that all kids love. Add a touch of sweetness and health by adding chopped berries, like blueberries, to a peanut butter sandwich, your kids will love it! Berries are also rich in antioxidants, which are responsible for keeping your brain and your body fresh and maintained from the inside.

Veggies!

Broccoli, Cauliflower and Beans might not by your child’s favorite food, but they’re all high in choline, a nutrient essential for developing memory and the channels through which the brains communicates with the rest of the body. There you go, another reason for your children all their greens!

Whole Grains

By now, most people know about the benefit of whole grains to our diet, and it’s not surprising that they do wonders for children too. These complex carbohydrates are one of the most important sources of energy (Glucose). Unlike sweets and other sugary foods, which have glucose but lack fiber, whole grains such as whole grain bread, pasta and cereal deliver and create energy in the body in a slower, more natural process, so you won’t have to worry about hyperactivity and crankiness usually displayed by small children upon consuming sugary foodstuff. This is also relatively simple to inculcate in their diets, since all kids love cereal. Simply buy a whole grain version the next time, it might cost a little more, but your kids are worth it. Same goes for the bread you make their sandwiches with.

Milk and Ghee

The importance of a regular supply of cow’s milk cannot be understated. Rich in so many essential nutrients, it is described in Ayurveda as an essential brain food, along with Ghee. Especially at a young, tender age, milk protein helps form neurotransmitters and mental acuity. Combining milk with another well known, ayurvedic brain food – Almonds, gives it an even greater nutritional punch.

Be wholesome and Holistic

As always, remember that a wide variety of food and a balanced diet is what is required for a healthy body as well as a healthy mind. Avoid foods that contain additives, preservatives and other chemicals you’re not sure about. Don’t assume that food companies always have your child’s best interests in mind and always be aware. Buy fresh food, and only feed your child organic, unprocessed produce.

Ensuring the Healthy Development of Your Child’s Brain

Using cutting edge technology such an in-depth MRI scans, scientists today have painstakingly put together each and every process that our brains undergo in their development, from conception to death. In the course of this research, the scientific community has reached a virtual consensus that the major chunk of our brain’s development falls in the age 0-3 category, setting the stage and factors for life ahead in a myriad of ways. It is at this stage that greatest care must be taken to ensure that a child enjoys opportunities to explore, create, make mistakes and learn in an environment of love, trust and happiness. The inculcating of the values you want your child to espouse in this period itself is crucial, and it is during this phase that these values, or the lack of them, get cemented.

The Newborn Brain

At birth, our brains have already undergone some degree of development – we have the ability to breathe, see, eat, sleep, hear, smell, vocalize and recognize the touch and faces of people close to us. But this is minor compared to the rapid growth experienced up till age 3, at which the brain is already at 75% of its expected adult size. All areas of the brain experience this growth and development, from logic, reason and language to creativity, personality and individual tendencies. Billions of new cells are produced in this period and literally hundreds of trillions of cell connections are formed within the brain (1000 trillion synapses by age 3).

Nature vs. Nurture

The science has confirmed to us what we intuitively know: that both our genetics and the environment play equally important roles in defining who we become as individuals. Genes set the wiring and basic framework of our nervous systems, while experience moulds, shapes and fine tunes this elaborate network to make us who we are. Genes are responsible for the proper functioning of this system, its development and maintenance, and in this sense, the roles they play are fixed. Experience and the surrounding environment play the part of the dynamic element that makes us distinct individuals, and even go so far as to influence the physical structure of the brain during development! This clearly indicates that a lack of care, stimulation and parental warmth heavily contribute to the inadequate development of healthy mind, leading the flaws in the child’s (and eventually adult’s) persona.

Critical Period

It is thus easily understood that this is a critical period of a child’s life, and that careful attention needs to be paid to all aspects of his/her upbringing to ensure that all areas of the mind get their stimulation, exercise and training.

• Your baby is building his visual skills, and identifies things and people. Encourage and reward this behavior, as it builds spatial and recognition abilities.
• Verbal input from the parent is vital for language skills to develop. A child will not learn on his/her own, and needs your constant guidance with words, pronunciation and grammar.
• Be patient – Children at this stage process information slowly, as their brains are undergoing a process known as myelination, wherein the brains are forming myelin, white fatty tissue that is crucial for the clear, fast transmission of signals and messages across nerve networks.
• Memories – As babies, we are all born with implicit memories. These are subconscious memories, such as remembering the sound of a mother’s voice. Explicit Memory develops from age 2, and thus the system of conscious learning, on which all behavior is based, begins.

The key to growing a healthy mind is to let it grow naturally. Let your child learn from experience and a gentle, loving guidance. Fear and stressful situations should be avoided at all costs at such an impressionable age, and remember, the more love and care you incorporate into your approach now, the happier your children will grow to be for the rest of their lives.

How to discipline your toddler with love, care and patience

“Lack of discipline is not kindness, it is neglect.”
- Infant Specialist and Childhood Educator Magda Gerber

Toddlerhood is an unpredictable, exciting experience, for both you and your child. It is the period where your little one begins to feel a sense of self and individuality, but lacks the developed logic, reasoning and communication skills to process all these changes without having tantrums and other disciplinary issues. One of the toughest, most frustrating tasks of parenting, disciplining often seems like an endless uphill struggle between the boundless curiosity of a child and the tempered learning of correct behavior.

Be Patient

It is of utmost importance to be patient and gently guide children through this phase without resorting to stress-inducing punishments or other anxiety causing activities. Remember, disciplining is meant to teach and guide, and not to scold and reprimand.

Keep your composure

Staying calm and composed keeps things cool for both you and your children. Make a concerted effort to avoid stressful situations. Nobody has spent more time with your toddler than you have, and you know best what upsets and soothes them. Nothing makes them feel more upset than hunger, sleepiness and a rapid shift to an unfamiliar environment, so diligently making sure all these are attended to in advance can go a long way.

Order and Consistency

Consistency is one major factor in this process. If the laptop is not to be touched today, it’s not to be touched tomorrow, and so on. Don’t get put off by repetition, as toddlers require a fair bit of it to inculcate the message into their tender little minds. Make it a point to be firm, but gentle.

Explain and Educate

Be well defined in your instructions. Set rules and make it clear what kind of behavior is fine and what is unacceptable. Simply saying ‘no’ to everything will not teach your child, as they will start to tune it out after a while. Follow it up with simple reasoning – ‘That’s not a toy’, ‘Daddy uses that for work’, ‘Don’t eat this, your tummy will hurt a lot’. This gives them a clear understanding of why such behavior is disapproved so repeat as many times as needed.

Art of distraction

If your child is behaving in a way that you deem inappropriate try to quickly redirect them to another enjoyable, allowed activity. For instance, if a child is playing with a glass vase, you could try distracting your child by directing him to a toy exclaiming, “Wow! What a lovely toy we have here.” Try not to force an activity on a child, instead distract and divert; it helps avoid a show-down between parents and toddlers.

Talk about it

Nobody said teaching discipline has to happen only in unpleasant situations such as a public reprimanding in supermarkets or flights, once something has been broken or bitten, or as a reaction to misbehavior itself. Explain dos and don’ts to your toddler in a happy, casual way, just like you would teach them about anything. Tell them stories with morals that affirm the same behavior you are trying to instill. This way, your child does not start to think of you as a ‘police’ like figure, which would lead to behave in front of you, but not so with others. Keep your little one as calm and relaxed as possible, and they will learn and absorb best. Never withhold affection, and always tell them that you love them as much as life itself.

FOR YOUR CHILD TO GROW…LEARN TO LET GO!!!

“Plain old babysitting is expensive – early childhood education is priceless”

The first few years of a child’s life provide a vital opportunity for development of the physical, cognitive and socio-emotional development. The learnings of a child during this age will set a stage for the rest of the child’s life. According to experts, almost 90% of the child’s brain is developed by the age of five. Children in this age group must be exposed to an enriching environment to tap this ‘window of opportunity’. Attending a quality preschool equips children with life skills that prepare them for school and beyond.

Academics

"There's increasing evidence that children gain a lot from going to preschool," says Parents advisor Kathleen McCartney, PhD, dean of Harvard Graduate School of Education, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. At preschool, children are introduced to numbers, letters and shapes. They are given the opportunity to improve reading skills, motor skills, have richer vocabulary and stronger math skills. Sandhya Sridhar, a mom to a 12 year old, residing at Besant Nagar, Chennai recollects, “The Montessori training that my son got at his preschool helped him stand out in his class during formal school. The activities at the preschool strengthened his motor skills; there was no need for me to hold his hand when he started to write.”

Social skills

Children are able and eager to learn right from birth. However, development does not happen by itself. It depends on the exposure that a child gets and the environment that enables positive interactions. Preschools empower children with good social and behaviour management skills that help them find long-term happiness and success in life as they grow older. They learn to communicate, find meaning through their own explorations and assert their independence and individuality.

Professional parenting

Good preschools work collaboratively with parents to build on their strengths and guide them, so that their children may grow up having a sense of family, culture and community. Children benefit immensely by having parents who are better equipped to meet their child-rearing responsibilities.

Preschool – A solution for working parents

In today’s age when joint families are giving way to nuclear families where both parents are working, preschools are generally an option for children to be taken care of during the day. Preschools are definitely a better option than informal help. Parents need to understand that the person who cares for their child many hours a week makes a difference in their child's life and well-being. So it is indeed important to decide who the child interacts with during the day. Quality preschools have trained teachers who will build a positive relationship with children and will empower them with a sense of trust which is a prerequisite to all learning.Some companies provide workplace nurseries for their employees as a work flexibility option. Such nurseries offer parents a space where they can be at work and with their child at the same time. Working moms can breast feed her child; have video calls for an occasional check, ensuring that their child remains close by in a safe environment.

A preschool is indeed a place where a child can gain a sense of self, interact with peers and build confidence.

Being a working mom is an attitude!

“Sometimes the best man for the job isn't.” 

~Anonymous

Can you be a good mom and a good employee? That’s the billion dollar question that many working moms are striving to find. Is there a magic mantra that can allow you to be at two places at once? Is the term ‘super mom’ for real? Women, including men, would appreciate that it is indeed very tough to juggle family and work. Many tough circus acts pale in comparison to the balancing act of being a good employee and a good mother. However, being a valued employee and a good mother need not be mutually exclusive.

What defines a successful career oriented working mom, efficient in both worlds, is attitude.

·    Attitude towards the decision to work: Although the number of women joining the corporate sector is increasing, there is one thing that working moms have in common – guilt. Guilt is a pervasive emotion that tugs the chords of the heart of most working moms who often question, “Am I spending enough time with kids?” The consensus among social scientists, who have been researching the problem since 1930’s, holds that absence of working moms from homes does not hurt their child; what matters is whether a mother feels good about whether she works or stays home. Research evidence suggests that when working mothers have a positive attitude towards their decision to work, they are more likely to encourage their children’s independence.

·     Attitude towards alternate childcare options: Letting go of your children so that they could grow is an attitude that will benefit both the mother and the child in the long run.  In today’s age when joint families are giving way to nuclear families where both parents are working, preschools are generally an option for children to be taken care of during the day. Ask for flexibility options such as remote working, workplace nurseries from your employer.

·     Attitude to delegate: Also, looking for opportunities that add hours to your day is an attitude you must develop. Outsourcing your chores is an excellent way of doing so; it will give you those extra hours with your kids. Being a wonderful cook must not stop you from hiring some form of help in the kitchen during workdays. You could always cook those special meals your children love on weekends and holidays.

·      Attitude towards your job: Finally, follow your passion. Your attitude towards your job spills into your life outside work. Some studies indicate children of mothers who are dissatisfied with their jobs show more signs of poor adjustment than children of non-working mothers or mothers who like their work.

Be positive! Understand that you are not a super human. You may miss your child’s parent teacher meet or you may miss a business dinner. Don’t be apologetic about either. Having the right attitude will help you strike a right balance between profession and parenthood.

Work life balance for working moms

While juggling the roles of a mother, a wife and an employee do you feel stressed, sleep deprived and fatigued? Do you feel guilty because of divided attention between work and home? If yes, read on to put your life back together!

Fulfilling the role of a mother and also managing your work in office can be a hard task in hand. However, with a little planning and family support, you can strike a right balance between profession and parenthood. One can achieve work-life balance by viewing life at work and that at home as complementary elements rather than competing priorities.

Here are a few tips for achieving work life balance:

First of all, let go of the guilt

Don’t upset yourself by thinking about how you are not spending enough time with your child. Instead, think of it this way – you are further financially securing your child’s future. You working now will enable you to put your child in the best school and college when time comes. With school tuition fee becoming expensive year by year, many Indian women work just to pay the school fee. You can be a successful career oriented working mom efficient in both worlds – and you can be so by managing your time well.

Manage your time well

Prioritize, prioritize, and prioritize! If you want to run your life at home and at work smoothly you need to make time for them. Time is a valuable resource and while managing work and home it must be utilized all the more wisely. Limit distractions and time wasters! Be disciplined by limiting the time you take to check mails or Facebook, make phone call or casually surf the internet. At work, of course your need to build a rapport with your co-workers. Utilize your lunch time or breaks to interact with your co-workers and focus on constructive work during other times. With such prioritizing, you will surely find extra time on your hands that you can invest in pursuing your hobbies too.

Plan your days well ahead

Prepare a list of things you need to accomplish during the day/week. Write them down so that you don’t forget them. Stock up the kitchen at the start of the month and make only one shopping trip per week for vegetables and other ingredients. Planning your meals ahead will also help you save a lot of time.

Raise responsible kids

Do you find a lot of your time spent in picking up toys, laundry, making beds, stowing shoes? If yes, stop doing so right now! Teach your kids to clean up after they have finished playing. Kids as young as three years must be taught to be responsible for their belongings. Politely ask your children to put away dirty clothes in the clothes bin and encourage such good responsible behavior with positive words of encouragement.

Find quality childcare

It is very important to have the peace of mind, to know that your child is being well cared for while you are at work. Don’t feel guilty in putting your child in a playschool for a few hours. In fact, there's increasing evidence that children benefit a lot from going to preschool. "Children who attend high-quality preschool enter kindergarten with better pre-reading skills, richer vocabularies, and stronger basic math skills than those who do not," says National Institute for Early Education Research director W. Steven Barnett, PhD. Talk to your employer about part time or work from home options. You along with your other parent colleagues can also ask your employer to provide for a work place nursery which is a very popular concept in countries like the US and UK.

Make mornings smooth as butter

Start your day on a peaceful note by getting organized the night before. Pack the lunches, backpacks, purse; lay out clothes; decide the next day’s breakfast; you could teach your kids to get themselves ready. Make sure your keys are in the right place so that you can simply grab them in the morning and set out for work. Planning for such mundane tasks will reward you with some extra time to sit with your family and enjoy the morning breakfast!

Take out ‘Me’ time

It’s a very common among women to put their wellbeing as the last priority. How will you be able to look after your child, husband and extended family members in addition to managing work in office if you are not in top shape? So take care of yourself: go to the gym, do yoga and other breathing exercises. To be energetic the whole day you need to maximize the three pillars of health:

Diet: Eat whole, unprocessed “real” food. Avoid junk food and too much caffeine! It may be easier to grab a burger and coffee for lunch due to paucity of time but the ill effects will show in the lax way you manage your chores.

Exercise: Exercising regularly helps you de-stress and be in shape; keeps you sharp and active throughout the day! Now that’s a no brainer!!

Mental Well – being: If you are mentally healthy and strong everything else falls into place. Invest some time in yourself to unwind. Learn relaxation techniques such as meditation, pranayama etc, read a book, listen to music or take up a hobby. Make sure you get adequate sleep of 6-8 hours on a regular basis. A good night’s sleep will help you handle stress better during the day.

Women in technology need to keep abreast with the latest technological developments. Take out time to hone your skills to scale up your career.

Create quality family time

Strive to have simple family dinners as frequently as possible. Plan for family outings that will allow everyone to bond. When out with family, try to avoid talking about work and checking your phone. Instead, involve yourself in your kid’s interests, talk about their friends and classes. You could maintain a calendar, marking a list of school and family events. This way you can avoid surprises in the middle of the week!

Spend time with your partner

Often is the case that when you get busy your partner is the first to get neglected. Always remember to nurture your relationship with your husband as he will be one person who will always be there by your side. Get support from your family and go out for a quiet dinner; or better, cook an elegant evening meal for the two of you (Don’t talk about work or kids!). Take a short holiday; feel rejuvenated and reconnected to enjoy each other’s company.

Try these out and let us know how these tips have helped you.